Words Matter: What (Not) to Say to Your Boss

This phrase makes my personal top 10 list of things you should never say to your boss.

How many of you have heard this, or some version of it, from a staff member or peer? How many of you have said it, when you’d actually jump at the chance to do the job if it were offered?

As a leader in healthcare, particularly in Case Management, I’ve heard this too often — and way too often from the people who SHOULD want my job. People who would be great at my job. People who would learn and grow in exactly the right direction for their ultimate career goals by spending a few years in my job.

I came to healthcare via a long road through tech, then logistics and operations in interior surfaces. The most influential boss of my life was someone who saw my value when others didn’t. I’ll riff many times in future posts on all I learned from Dave Miller, but one of the most influential things he taught me was this: never hire anyone who doesn’t want your job. There have been a few times, due to labor supply in a complex specialty, when I’ve ignored this advice. There have been zero times I didn’t regret it.

This is fresh for me because I recently left my Director position at a health system to pursue a passion project. The person I left in my seat as successor told me clearly, in our first meeting, “I want your job.”

The folks who were most upset about that succession? The ones who’d told me, over the prior two years:

In most of those conversations, I asked clarifying questions to figure out if it was flattery or hyperbole, or if the person authentically felt their life and career path were heading in a different direction.

Good leaders listen and support their staff in pursuing what makes them feel fulfilled. When someone says “I would never want your job,” a good leader takes that in and shifts focus to helping them find what they do want.

If what you really mean is “your job seems hard, how do you manage?” or “I’m not sure I have the skills or patience for your job” or even “I respect your leadership” — say that instead.

Words have power.

Have you ever said this to your boss? What did you really mean? Tell me in the comments.